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A friend of mine, a retired surgeon, recently told me that when he was a resident, a senior surgeon told the surgeons in training, “There is virtually nothing you can get into that I cannot get you out of.”

This advice was not a recipe for recklessness but rather an acknowledgment that the surgeons needed to make their own decisions, learning as they went. And if a mistake did occur, the senior surgeon could come to the rescue. Such an approach assured the younger surgeons that they needed to learn the practice of surgery with real-time lessons.

 Merit support

Digging deeper into the statement of getting someone out of trouble, we see a statement of support. It means, “I have your back.” When a subordinate knows that his boss is supporting him, he can act with a sense of autonomy. This support is not a permission slip to act without responsibility. Instead, it says, “I know you can do the job.”

Mistakes will be made. That is how we learn, and unless a manager gives an employee the space to learn – often by trial and error – little will be gained. The employees will fail to grow because they cannot make and execute decisions accordingly.

Supportive learning

“Nine tenths of education is encouragement,” wrote philosopher Anatole France. Melding the learning with support for the pupil requires experience and good practice. Here are some suggestions.

Ensure competence. Training provides the outline of a given task. It is up to the employee to demonstrate that they can put their lessons into practice. Shadowing – having a veteran supervise a task – can enable the employee to learn on the job.

Create boundaries. Limiting what can be done and how it is done is acceptable. Such boundaries ensure that the employees know what they should be doing, and performance standards ensure best practices.

Coach always. Beginners make mistakes. Turn those missteps into lessons. One way is to debrief the exercise, allowing the employee to explain their point of view first. The manager listens and comments by asking questions about what could have been done better. Finally, the manager must close with his question: What will you do the next time? The answer will deter a readiness to continue learning.

Be vigilant

Only some people merit such support. Managers must assess each employee’s capabilities and limitations. Some must be kept on a short leash, while others can be given more autonomy.

The learning process helps the individual, the team, and the organization grow. Newly trained employees bring their skills and perspectives to the job. This way, the organization grows holistically, harmonizing new learnings into a stronger, more adaptable culture.

First posted on SmartBrief.com 8.14.2024

Golf is a mixture of heart and heartburn.

As such, it lends itself to a medium that offers both—poetry. My new book of poems, Golf Lessons: Chips, Chunks and Cheers, is a labor of love. The poems reflect my love of a game that has given me decades of challenge and enjoyment. The collection explores the lure of the game that goes hand-in-hand with its fiendish demands.

Here is an excerpt from “Tee to Green,” the opening poem.

Three feet away.

A gimme, the pros might say.

But when you’re like me, a recreational golfer…

there’s no such thing as a gimme.

And sure enough,

as I bring my putter back and stroke it true,

I watch my putt edge, edge, edge away from the cup.

Darn, I forgot to read the break.

Golf Lessons is a celebration of friendship that fosters companionship and collegiality. Here is an excerpt from “Old Golfers.”

We are not old, we say aloud to each other.

Laughing as we approach the first tee.

Our knees may ache, shoulders, too.

Our hips may sport titanium.

We are golfers through and through.

Our backswings are shorter now.

  Permitting us to stripe the fairway.

Occasionally.

Around the greens, we have the knowledge,

But not the touch.

Our putter may betray us.

Long. Short. Wide.

No matter. It is not the game that matters.

It’s the chatter.

And while the clatter-popping of worn joints may slow us

We stay together.

We are not so old, we say aloud.

While the game does not always love me back, it keeps me coming back because I am drawn to its complexity and simplicity. You need to think your way around a course while keeping your head about you.

Humor is an essential part of Golf Lessons. The poem “The Shank-o-patomus” looks at the struggle players endure when their shots do not go where they aim, a common occurrence. Here is an excerpt:

Until the Shank-o-potamus is tamed,

Its ravenous appetite only grows,

Swallowing not only wedges,

But 9-irons, 8-irons and even 5-irons.

Residing anywhere and everywhere

The Shank-o-potamus waits only the right moment

To skitter balls away without mercy.

In truth,

The Shank-o-potomus dwells not

In forests, ponds and bunkers,

But rather within the five-inch space between our ears.

When I am playing the course alone, I pull out my phone and snap pictures. I thought it only fitting to include a selection of these images—fairways, greens, and nature itself—flowers and fauna.

Golf Lessons is a collection of poetry that captures the spirit of the game and the sense of camaraderie it inspires. So, let me leave you with the final poem in the book, “The Golfer’s Prayer.”

Oh, Lord

Let my drives be straight and true

(And stay out of the woods, the water, and the bunker.)

Let my long iron shots rise up and stay on the fairway

(And not be fat, thin or in-between.)

Let my pitch shots arc joyfully and plop softly on the green

(And not be chunked, scorched or flown away.)

If I should end in a bunker, let my sand shot be a save to the hole

(And not require a second or third attempt, or wildly veer toward my playing partner.)

And finally, let my putts ride the break into the hole

(And not short, long, or curve waywardly.)

Now, if none of my prayer be heard,

Let me retire cheerily with my pals to the nearest bar

To raise a glass to

Next time!

First posted on Smartbrief.com 3.05.2025

P“You’re semi-retired,” my wife said to me two years ago.

Hmm. I was not as busy with work as I typically was, but I did not think I was “retired.” I was plenty busy with work I wanted and volunteer projects I enjoyed.

Upon reflection, however, I realized—duh, me, we’ve been married for 45 years—that my spouse was correct. I am semi-retired, and I now embrace it.

The challenge for anyone in my stage, or any stage of life, is to move ahead with purpose and that often means redefining it. In my work with executives retiring I cite the advice that my friend, the eminent executive coach and author Marshall Goldsmith, gives to those pondering retirement: Have a plan.

Plan your new purpose

The key to planning is knowing your purpose. When you are actively building your career, your purpose is more evident. It should be reflected in what you do and how you help your team succeed. But when you transition to retirement, then what?

Military personnel experience this when they transition from service. The intensity of their commitment to colleagues, cohorts and country will never be as strongly felt as when they wore the uniform. They must find a new purpose, and it is not often easy. Such unease accounts for the difficulty veterans have in finding a role that suits their commitment to service in the civilian sector.

For the rest of us, we too must dig deep, though it need not be as difficult. Designer Ayse Birsel, author of Design the Long Life You Love, advises finding purpose in what makes you happy and fulfilled. Columnist Steve Lopez, author of Independence Day: What I Learned about Retirement from Some Who Did and Some Who Never Will, says your purpose need not be grandiose. Some folks can find purpose in taking their dog for a walk.

Theresa Amabile, an emerita professor at Harvard Business School and author of Retiring, says that transitional retirement can be an option. I am pursuing that avenue in my state of “semi-ness.”

My pursuits

My purpose now may be defined as the pursuit of passion. Pursuing a passion for me means four things: piano, poetry, podcasting and prosperity. Let’s take them one at a time.

Piano gives me a way to share my avocation, chiefly in retirement homes and hospitals. (After all, I am told that’s where all the talent agents congregate.) I recently joined a band comprised of women and men my age. We have a ball playing everything from rock to jazz, pop to classical, as well as compositions by members of the band.

Poetry is a new pursuit for me. I have been writing verse—free, mind you—for a few years now, and I have incorporated it into a few of my books. My style is observational, looking at life and what it offers me and people my age. (No surprise there.)

Podcasting, the buzzword of the 2020s, is a passion project. Since the start of this decade, I have interviewed more than 250 thought leaders and doers from the worlds of academia, business, journalism, and the arts. My guests are mostly authors who are promoting their most recent books, and we get together for good conversation that shines a light on their work and their message.

My final pursuit is prosperity—not in terms of wealth but rather a sense of joy and fulfillment. I play golf, do photography, get together with friends, spend time with grandsons, travel with my wife, and so on.

These are my pursuits, and I share them to let you know there is life after work. The point is to plan for it, practice it, and pursue it.

Happy Trails!

First posted on Smartbrief.com 2.025.2025

Purpose is a huge topic within the human development community. It has spawned countless books—including one by this author—and many, many conferences. Most examinations of the topic focus on how to find purpose and what you can do to develop it.

Purpose is a huge topic within the human development community. It has spawned countless books—including one by this author—and many, many conferences. Most examinations of the topic focus on how to find purpose and what you can do to develop it.

So, it was with great interest that I came across a new book, Thieves of Purpose: Overcoming the 12 Mindsets Robbing You of Your Potential. Author Davin Salvagno, a fellow member of 100 Coaches, focuses on what holds us back from finding our purpose and explores ways to identify and address these shortcomings.

Identifying the obstacles

The first obstacle, as Salvagno writes, is “Perhaps the most relentless thief is comparison. I have not met a person on the planet who doesn’t compare themselves to others, and for good reason, we live in a society that perpetuates comparison at every turn. From social media and magazines to commercial ads and perhaps even the car sitting in your neighbor’s driveway, it is almost impossible not to find a potential trigger of comparison in front of our eyes.” 

When we do not achieve our intentions and lack purpose, we can make excuses. “We all want to win. Winning inspires us, and losing shapes us, but responding defines us,” writes Salvagno. How many learning moments and purpose points have we missed in our lives because our natural response was to make an excuse or to blame others?” Excuses drain us of our energy to focus on what is important.

Resilience is essential to living one’s purpose. “Every leader faces challenges—missed opportunities, unexpected disruptions, moments of doubt… It’s about how you recover, adapt, and keep playing,” writes keynote speaker and pianist, Freddie Ravel. “The best leaders, like the best musicians, know that resilience isn’t about perfection—it’s about adjusting and finding a new groove when things don’t go as planned.”

 Fortunately for readers, Salvagno includes tactics to overcome what can rob us of our purpose. Let me cite two examples among many.

 One is to “Review how you spend your time and energy and what you are focused on most of the time.” Consider how important your energy expenditures are and whether they take time away from what is more important.

 Two, “What problems are you solving or what difference are you making in the work that you do?” Write the impact that your problem-solving efforts had on others and yourself. Was this effort worth it?

Success vs. Significance

Purpose can fuel the quest for success. In a recent interview, Salvagno said, “Everyone wants to be successful, and there’s nothing wrong with success. However, our fixation upon success can rob us of significance. And significance is where purpose actually lives.” 

Citing the book Halftimeby Bob Buford, Salvagno notes, “Really the difference between success and significance is your impact on others. There are a lot of highly successful people who have amassed great fortunes. They’ve done lots of great things for themselves, but they’re extremely unfulfilled” because their positive effect on others is lacking.”

Purpose is about finding meaning and achieving it by what you do and how you do it. What you do is important to achievement. How you do it is essential to others. Melding your purpose with making a positive difference in the lives of others is essential to living a life of significance.

Addressing the obstacles holding us back is never easy, but when you do it with a mindset of learning, you take the onus off what it means to succeed and put it on what it means to grow and develop as a better human being.

So, it was with great interest that I came across a new book, Thieves of Purpose: Overcoming the 12 Mindsets Robbing You of Your Potential. Author Davin Salvagno, a fellow member of 100 Coaches, focuses on what holds us back from finding our purpose and explores ways to identify and address these shortcomings.

Identifying the obstacles

The first obstacle, as Salvagno writes, is ” Perhaps the most relentless thief is comparison. I have not met a person on the planet who doesn’t compare themselves to others, and for good reason, we live in a society that perpetuates comparison at every turn. From social media and magazines to commercial ads and perhaps even the car sitting in your neighbor’s driveway, it is almost impossible not to find a potential trigger of comparison in front of our eyes.”

When we do not achieve our intentions and lack purpose, we can make excuses. “We all want to win. Winning inspires us, and losing shapes us, but responding defines us,” writes Salvagno. How many learning moments and purpose points have we missed in our lives because our natural response was to make an excuse or to blame others?” Excuses drain us of our 

energy to focus on what is important.

Another obstacle to fulfilling our purpose is fear. “Fear constricts rather than expands who we are. Fear tells us not to smile at strangers or speak our opinions too loudly,” writes Salvagno. “Instead of pushing our boundaries, fear encourages us to avoid any potential failure or rejection. For example, we should not write that book, ask for that date, or apply for that promotion. If it were up to fear, we would hide in bed instead of growing into who we could be.”

Fortunately for readers, Salvagno includes tactics to overcome what can rob us of our purpose. Let me cite two examples among many.

One is to “Review how you spend your time and energy and what you are focused on most of the time.” Consider how important your energy expenditures are and whether they take time away from what is more important.

Two, “What problems are you solving or what difference are you making in the work that you do?” Write the impact that your problem-solving efforts had on others and yourself. Was this effort worth it?

Success vs. Significance

Purpose can fuel the quest for success. In a recent interview, Salvagno said, “Everyone wants to be successful, and there’s nothing wrong with success. However, our fixation upon success can rob us of significance. And significance is where purpose actually lives.” 

Citing the book Halftimeby Bob Buford, Salvagno notes, “Really the difference between success and significance is your impact on others. There are a lot of highly successful people who have amassed great fortunes. They’ve done lots of great things for themselves, but they’re extremely unfulfilled” because their positive effect on others is lacking.”

In a closing thought to our interview, Salvagno says, “Many times we look at failure and then we live in guilt and all these different things, and then it robs us for a purpose. But when we redefine failures as learning moments and we give ourselves grace, we can step forward.”

Addressing the obstacles holding us back is never easy, but when you do it with a mindset of learning, you take the onus off what it means to succeed and put it on what it means to grow and develop as a better human being.

Note: Check here to catch my full LinkedIn Live interview with Davin Salvagno.

First posted on Forbes.com 2.13.2025

Imagine if you were taking a music lesson and then taking that lesson with you to work—to ask for a raise.

Well, that’s precisely what happened to one student whose teacher had studied with Noa Kageyama, a performance psychologist. “I remember working with a teacher.. [about] how to get centered or how to get it to a better headspace, right before performing a piece,” Kageyama told me recently. The teacher passed along this lesson to one of her students. The student applied this lesson at work when she asked for a raise and got it. 

Noa’s Journey

Kageyama, who teaches at Julliard as well as via his online courses, works with students seeking to improve their focus and reduce anxiety. This issue is something Kageyama has first-hand experience. “I started playing the violin at age two and very quickly realized that I experienced, I didn’t have the words for it back then, but I certainly got nervous even at the age of four or five when I was performing in front of crowds of people. And I just thought that was part of the deal and it wasn’t pleasant, it wasn’t fun and sort of sometimes dreaded performing. And that obviously led to my fair share of memory slips and often relatively consistently subpar performances, sometimes relatively catastrophic level performances where I wished I could turn invisible and just disappear and walk off stage and never have to see these people ever again.”

Fortunately, while doing his Master’s at Julliard, he discovered the study of performance psychology. He realized that helping other musicians overcome his obstacles was his true calling, so he got a Ph.D. in this discipline at Indiana University. Kateyama has taught over 8000 students through his various online courses and his work has been featured in major news and trade media.

Avoiding the perfection trap

So often, students and performers alike become trapped by the perfection complex. “We all start to get to a point at some point where we realize that it’s more important to have something to say than to be note perfect or technically exact, because honestly, the level of exactness that I think sometimes we strive for is barely perceptible even to other musicians, sometimes those who play the same instrument, let alone those who don’t play the same instrument, never mind the general audience who’s really just there not for technical perfection, but to enjoy what it is that they’re hearing.” What matters is the music and how the musician makes it become experiential.

Improving Your Own Performance

Praise does help musicians increase their confidence, but it can be a two-sided coin. If the student becomes hooked more on external validation rather than intrinsic, they may not truly develop their musicianship. Instead, says Kateyama, there must be a balance between praise and criticism. Kageyama cites the example of John Wooden, the legendary coach of the UCLA Bruins; during his tenure, the Bruins won ten of 12 NCAA titles. Wooden’s approach was to balance praise with affirmation but spend most of his coaching time on instruction, showing players the right techniques to apply at the right time. Wooden’s approach enabled players to absorb lessons in a non-judgmental way.

Doing the work

Via his Bullet Proof Musician blog, Kateyama explores topics of resilience, courage and confident – all topics that can help students mold a mindset. Setbacks are a constant for many musicians, as well as the rest of us. Kateyama writes, “See if you can embrace this as an opportunity to practice the skill of responding to setbacks. Take a moment to remind yourself that everyone who is at a higher level now, was once upon a time, in your shoes too.” Learning from others who have experienced similar setbacks may “not only raises your self-esteem, but makes for more hopeful and optimistic practice, too.”

Applying the lessons of practicing music can help non-musicians. Kateyama shares a conversation he had with a sales executive who, though very successful, was experiencing “a lot of discomfort in certain aspects of sales, certain kinds of clients, certain types of engagements.” Such discomfort is common to musicians learning new pieces, practicing their repertoire, or performing in public. Kateyama suggested that the executive do what musicians do: record themselves. For example, a salesperson could record themselves practicing a sales call, dealing with a touch customer, or explaining an issue to their boss. By studying how they speak, they can evaluate their performance, much as a musician listens to recordings of themselves.

Overcoming anxiety during the performance is an issue not just for musicians but for anyone who must perform, either on stage, giving a presentation or gearing up to meet a tight deadline. Learning to focus on and bring your skills to the forefront is essential. Technique plays a role, but confidence does too. Earning confidence comes from doing a good job, and knowing that you can continue to do it at a level that delivers positive results is essential.

Click here to view my full LinkedIn Live interview with Noa Kateyama

First posted on Forbes.com 2.04.2025

FA reporter arranges for an interview with Armando Iannucci, the noted creator of such shows as Veep and movies like The Death of Stalin. In his darkly comic work, characters are willfully mean to one another. The reporter is Nancy Updike, and her interview will be for a show she edits This American Life. She is a big fan of Iannucci’s work and is eager to conduct the interview.

Just as Nancy meets Iannucci, she suffers a nosebleed—a real gusher. Off she goes to the bathroom. Nancy recalls one female character in an Iannucci movie suffering bleeding teeth, a source of mockery for other characters.

Iannucci may spin stories of spiteful people, but Iannucci the person is different. As Nancy says, “I walked out of the bathroom, not even sure the interview was still possible. So much time had been lost. And [Iannucci] said, with perfect grace, ‘I’m not in a rush.’” The interview will go on, and Iannucci will make extra time for it.

As someone who has experienced nosebleeds, including just before going on stage to speak, I know the sheer embarrassment of the moment. Your sense of dignity is floating out of your nose. You want to speak, but you need to tend to your nose first. All of us have been in these kinds of situations where we want to make a good impression, but circumstances get in the way.

This story got me thinking about how often, in our moments of weakness or embarrassment—when we believe we will be met with hostility—we encounter grace and understanding. When you are on the receiving end, the sense of mortification melts away, and relief floods in. Our sympathies lie with the sufferer, but how often, when we encounter someone having a moment of discomfort, we fall back on our own sense of self-importance?

Put Yourself Second

Our intention is not cruelty; our lack of intention is the problem. After all, we are busy people, and busy people cannot be bothered by other people’s problems. So, what can we do to ensure that our intentions outshine our lack of them? Here are some suggestions.

Be present. Know what is happening at the moment. Read the expressions of those you are with. Believe it or not, you may not be the most important person in their lives, even if you are their boss. Make eye contact. Smile, if appropriate. 

Be empathetic. Slow down. Listen to what others are saying. Do not leap to conclusions, like, “I’ve heard this before.” Express sympathy by asking how they are feeling and coping in the moment. 

Be compassionate. Ask what you can do to help. Sometimes, the only thing to do is to listen. Other times, you can help them solve a problem or contribute. Be there for them by listening and acting when necessary.

All of these actions are easy to say but often hard to implement. This is not because we are self-absorbed but because the pace of our lives pushes and pulls us, and so we do not always act with the best of intentions.

Acting with kindness

There is a story I have told a few times, maybe even on stage – when my nose was not bleeding. It involves Winston Churchill, who at times could be very brusque and unchivalrous, meeting James Allan Ward, a New Zealand airman who had risked his life climbing out of the bomber to extinguish a fire in one of the engines of his Wellington bomber. Ward’s bravery earned him the Victoria Cross, Britain’s highest award for valor. His bravery, however, did not shield him from a bad case of nerves as Churchill approached him. “You must feel very humble and awkward in my presence.” Ward said, “Yes, sir.” Churchill, a combat vet, responded warmly, “Then you can imagine how humble and awkward I feel in yours.”

First posted on Forbes.com on 1.22.2025

“Jimmy Carter Lauded for His Humility and Service,” stated the Associated Press headline over a story about the 39^th president’s funeral at the National Cathedral.

It is not often that we remember national leaders for their sense of humility. After all, you cannot be elected to high office if you lack a strong ego. President Carter certainly believed in his own abilities, and at times, he brooked little dissent and had a tendency to micro-manage. But taken as a whole, Carter lived a life of service, and as an evangelical Christian, he sought to live by a creed that reminded believers of the need to be humble.

Life of Service

At his funeral, his grandsons noted Carter’s commitment to service. Joshua Carter said, “He built houses for people who needed homes. He eliminated diseases in forgotten places. He waged peace anywhere in the world, wherever he saw a chance. He loved people.”

Mentioning his grandmother Roslyn and their frugality, Jason Carter noted, “They were small-town people who never forgot who they were and where they were from no matter what happened in their lives.” The Carter Center that Jason chairs is testimony to the late president’s commitment to service.

Humility is often spoken about in leadership circles but too often not practiced. After all, when you are running a large organization, you need people to follow your example. You need to demonstrate that you have a command of the issues and can make the big decisions. Humility takes a back seat to projecting authority.

How Leaders Serve

Good leaders with whom I know manifest a strong sense of self, but they know they can achieve little by themselves. One example is Alan Mulally, who became CEO of Ford Motor Company when it was on the verge of bankruptcy. Observers believed that Mulally, an executive from Boeing, would clean house. He did nothing of the kind. Instead, he provided strong direction by focusing on the issues and mobilizing the senior team to coordinate and collaborate. 

Another leader is Garry Ridge, CEO emeritus of the WD-40 Company. Garry believed that managers were coaches whose job was to bring out the best in their people. That means providing them with the resources and support they need to succeed.

Humility and service are complementary. You need humility to recognize that leadership is a team game. Your purpose is to do what you can to put people in positions where they can succeed. Service to others and for others is paramount. Frances Hesselbein, former CEO of the Girl Scouts, was fond of saying, “To serve is to live.”

One-time White House aide Stuart Eizenstat noted in his eulogy that Carter “may not be a candidate for Mount Rushmore, but he belongs in the foothills.” This is not a bad remembrance for a president who never forgot the lessons of living simply but seeking to do good works by serving others.

First posted on Forbes.com 1.00.2025

You animate the structure upon which our government stands.

Your work keeps us safe at home and abroad,

and in the air and in the food and drugs we take.

You fund rural development – hospitals, clinics and fire stations and so much more.

You also partner with businesses – large and small – to get important things done.

For the benefits of communities large and small.

You collect our taxes. (Darn!)

But we know government like liberty is not free.

Do we say that government gets in the way?

Do we complain about government being too big and too intrusive?

Can it be topped, trimmed and thrifted?

Yes!

But with care and concern for those who have labored for us.

You represent our needs.

You deserve the respect that some would deny you have

Until a road needs building,

A bridge spanned,

A forest fire rages,

Or a hurricane blows.

Thank you for being there for us.

Now is our time to speak up for you.

Amen.

Of all the things you think the Pope should be doing – supervising the running of a global organization, greeting people from all walks of life  — including presidents and potentates — and yes, keeping the faith, the last thing you might expect him to do is author an op-ed in the New York Times on the subject of humor.

“Life inevitably has its sadnesses, which are part of every path of hope and every path toward conversation,” writes Pope Francis. “But it is important to avoid wallowing in melancholy at all costs, not to let it embitter the heart.” One way to keep such bitterness at bay is through jokes and funny stories, which the Pope says, “which we [priests] are quite good at telling, as well as being the object of them.”

True to his word, the Pope cites a humor story that his predecessor, John XXIII, used to tell about a dream he had, in which he itemized the serious problems he was facing and said to himself that he must tell the Pope. Then he awakened and said, “And I remember that the pope is me.”

The Lighter Touch

Pope Francis’s use of humor is in the tradition of some of the great leaders of the ages. Franklin Roosevelt found comfort in his nightly cocktail rituals, which were a gossipy affair punctuated by funny stories. Queen Elizabeth loved good jokes and used humor to put people at ease.

The best stateman storyteller was Abraham Lincoln. Having been a circuit-riding lawyer, he was a master at spinning yarns and not shy about poking a bit of fun at himself, including about his homely looks.

One day, Lincoln was riding in the woods when he came across a mean-looking man with a gun who yelled, “Halt!” When Lincoln asked why he was being detained, the man said, “I vowed if I ever met a man uglier than myself I would shoot him on the spot.” Abe replied, “If I am uglier than you, shoot away!”

Lincoln was so comfortable in his skin that when Stephen Douglas called him “two-faced” in one of their debates, Lincoln replied, “If I had another face, do you think I would wear this one?”

Humor levels all

Humor is a great leveler. It reveals the humanity of ourselves – the best of ourselves and the not-so-best parts. And it’s the latter that brings out real character.

A leader who cannot laugh at themself is lacking in self-awareness.

Fundamental to our condition is our imperfection. It is important to address our shortcomings and find ways to improve them. Along the way, soliciting feedback from others about how we might improve is vital. And when that feedback stings, it is vital to take it in stride, and if delivered by an underling who may be trembling at the telling to defuse any tension with a quip like, “You know, I expected you to tell the truth about me, but not the whole truth.” Closing with a wink and smile, of course.

“A sense of humor,” wrote Hugh Sidey, Time magazine’s White House news columnist, “is needed armor. Joy in one’s heart and some laughter on one’s lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.” Good advice for presidents and leaders at every level.

First posted on Forbes.com 12.18.2024

The other day, I was asked how I empower myself. It was a question I had not been asked before, but after a moment’s reflection, I replied with four words. Learn. Work. Connect. Serve.

Learn. College, my physician father used to say, is where you go to learn how to learn. While that statement does apply to college, it can be broadened to include any experience that teaches us lessons – be it a sport, a craft, an art, or an application of a skill. Our challenge – indeed our responsibility – is to integrate those experiences into learning lessons.

Work. There is dignity to work. Putting yourself into your work means you are applying what you know to what you can do. There is a satisfaction to labor, a job well done. Hard work may be the most satisfying because you know you have applied not only your knowledge but your energy. Fatigue from work (not overwork) indicates that you have put forth the effort.

Connect. Loneliness has become so widespread that it is a health condition affecting one in five Americans. Too many of us lack the connection with others. Robert Waldinger, MD, who leads the Harvard, the longest-running study of adults dating back to the late Thirties, writes in his book, The Good Life, that what matters most in life is not wealth or health. It is the connection to others. From relationships, we create a community, a place where we feel we belong.

Serve. The purpose of life is to serve yourself and others. You serve yourself by applying the four words above. Doing so puts you in a position to serve others. The late Frances Hesselbein taught us to lead is to serve. 

Her good friend Alan Mulally, former CEO of Ford Motor Company, lives by this mantra. With one addition. Love. Without love, our lives would be empty. We both need it to enrich us as we, in turn, use it to enrich others. Love powers our ability to serve.

What you do with those five words – and any others you find relevant – will enable you to define how you want to live your life. Choose wisely, and continue to apply what you have learned to make a positive difference for yourself and others.

First post on SmartBrief.com 12.11.2024