Month: March 2025

FA reporter arranges for an interview with Armando Iannucci, the noted creator of such shows as Veep and movies like The Death of Stalin. In his darkly comic work, characters are willfully mean to one another. The reporter is Nancy Updike, and her interview will be for a show she edits This American Life. She is a big fan of Iannucci’s work and is eager to conduct the interview.

Just as Nancy meets Iannucci, she suffers a nosebleed—a real gusher. Off she goes to the bathroom. Nancy recalls one female character in an Iannucci movie suffering bleeding teeth, a source of mockery for other characters.

Iannucci may spin stories of spiteful people, but Iannucci the person is different. As Nancy says, “I walked out of the bathroom, not even sure the interview was still possible. So much time had been lost. And [Iannucci] said, with perfect grace, ‘I’m not in a rush.’” The interview will go on, and Iannucci will make extra time for it.

As someone who has experienced nosebleeds, including just before going on stage to speak, I know the sheer embarrassment of the moment. Your sense of dignity is floating out of your nose. You want to speak, but you need to tend to your nose first. All of us have been in these kinds of situations where we want to make a good impression, but circumstances get in the way.

This story got me thinking about how often, in our moments of weakness or embarrassment—when we believe we will be met with hostility—we encounter grace and understanding. When you are on the receiving end, the sense of mortification melts away, and relief floods in. Our sympathies lie with the sufferer, but how often, when we encounter someone having a moment of discomfort, we fall back on our own sense of self-importance?

Put Yourself Second

Our intention is not cruelty; our lack of intention is the problem. After all, we are busy people, and busy people cannot be bothered by other people’s problems. So, what can we do to ensure that our intentions outshine our lack of them? Here are some suggestions.

Be present. Know what is happening at the moment. Read the expressions of those you are with. Believe it or not, you may not be the most important person in their lives, even if you are their boss. Make eye contact. Smile, if appropriate. 

Be empathetic. Slow down. Listen to what others are saying. Do not leap to conclusions, like, “I’ve heard this before.” Express sympathy by asking how they are feeling and coping in the moment. 

Be compassionate. Ask what you can do to help. Sometimes, the only thing to do is to listen. Other times, you can help them solve a problem or contribute. Be there for them by listening and acting when necessary.

All of these actions are easy to say but often hard to implement. This is not because we are self-absorbed but because the pace of our lives pushes and pulls us, and so we do not always act with the best of intentions.

Acting with kindness

There is a story I have told a few times, maybe even on stage – when my nose was not bleeding. It involves Winston Churchill, who at times could be very brusque and unchivalrous, meeting James Allan Ward, a New Zealand airman who had risked his life climbing out of the bomber to extinguish a fire in one of the engines of his Wellington bomber. Ward’s bravery earned him the Victoria Cross, Britain’s highest award for valor. His bravery, however, did not shield him from a bad case of nerves as Churchill approached him. “You must feel very humble and awkward in my presence.” Ward said, “Yes, sir.” Churchill, a combat vet, responded warmly, “Then you can imagine how humble and awkward I feel in yours.”

First posted on Forbes.com on 1.22.2025

“Jimmy Carter Lauded for His Humility and Service,” stated the Associated Press headline over a story about the 39^th president’s funeral at the National Cathedral.

It is not often that we remember national leaders for their sense of humility. After all, you cannot be elected to high office if you lack a strong ego. President Carter certainly believed in his own abilities, and at times, he brooked little dissent and had a tendency to micro-manage. But taken as a whole, Carter lived a life of service, and as an evangelical Christian, he sought to live by a creed that reminded believers of the need to be humble.

Life of Service

At his funeral, his grandsons noted Carter’s commitment to service. Joshua Carter said, “He built houses for people who needed homes. He eliminated diseases in forgotten places. He waged peace anywhere in the world, wherever he saw a chance. He loved people.”

Mentioning his grandmother Roslyn and their frugality, Jason Carter noted, “They were small-town people who never forgot who they were and where they were from no matter what happened in their lives.” The Carter Center that Jason chairs is testimony to the late president’s commitment to service.

Humility is often spoken about in leadership circles but too often not practiced. After all, when you are running a large organization, you need people to follow your example. You need to demonstrate that you have a command of the issues and can make the big decisions. Humility takes a back seat to projecting authority.

How Leaders Serve

Good leaders with whom I know manifest a strong sense of self, but they know they can achieve little by themselves. One example is Alan Mulally, who became CEO of Ford Motor Company when it was on the verge of bankruptcy. Observers believed that Mulally, an executive from Boeing, would clean house. He did nothing of the kind. Instead, he provided strong direction by focusing on the issues and mobilizing the senior team to coordinate and collaborate. 

Another leader is Garry Ridge, CEO emeritus of the WD-40 Company. Garry believed that managers were coaches whose job was to bring out the best in their people. That means providing them with the resources and support they need to succeed.

Humility and service are complementary. You need humility to recognize that leadership is a team game. Your purpose is to do what you can to put people in positions where they can succeed. Service to others and for others is paramount. Frances Hesselbein, former CEO of the Girl Scouts, was fond of saying, “To serve is to live.”

One-time White House aide Stuart Eizenstat noted in his eulogy that Carter “may not be a candidate for Mount Rushmore, but he belongs in the foothills.” This is not a bad remembrance for a president who never forgot the lessons of living simply but seeking to do good works by serving others.

First posted on Forbes.com 1.00.2025