Another book on character?
Yes, that’s what I thought when I saw the title of Stanley McChrystal’s newest book, titled On Character: Choices That Define a Life.
When I heard General McChrystal speak about his new book and then read it, I realized it was different from many other books on the topic. Why? Because McChrystal, a retired four-star general, combat commander and West Point graduate, has lived it. He is also not afraid to call himself out when he has been deficient.
Many will remember that McChrystal offered President Barack Obama his resignation when an article in Rolling Stone magazine about his unit featured some negative comments about then-Vice President Biden and frustration with the administration’s handling of the war in Afghanistan. McCrystal, as he had been taught to do, took full responsibility. Obama accepted his resignation.
After more than 30 years of service, McChrystal was out of a job, a career, and a life that began as an Army brat born while his father was serving in Germany. That abrupt change is character-building.
What character means
And so when McChrystal addresses what it takes to lead with character, he knows of what he speaks – as the subtitle says: “choices that define a life.” Character is the spine that steels the spine in times of adversity and heals the soul in times of trial.
The idea for the book came from Annie McChrystal, his wife, herself the daughter of an Army officer. She nudged him to put down the many thoughts he had expressed to her over many conversations. As a result, the book has a discursive feel but is also very personal.
There are three sections to the book:
Conviction – beliefs upon which character forms
Discipline – the ability to follow through on what we believe
Character – the structure of life, e.g., “what we are willing to tolerate and what we are not.”
This troika casts the notion of character as foundational, practical and resilient.
Getting personal
There is a touching part of the book, one he spoke about to Amna Nawaz on PBS NewsHour. He admits he was not a good father because he put his career first. As he said, his son started high school when he went to Afghanistan, and then he went to Iraq and Afghanistan, where his son was in college. “I wasn’t a great father,” he writes in his book. “In retrospect, I regret things I didn’t do as a father, but, thankfully, avoided doing many things I would have regretted. If I could do it all again, I believe I would be a better father, but I don’t believe Sam could be a better son.”
Fortunately, as McChrystal tells Nawaz, “The beauty is, I get a second chance, because my son lives next door to me now, along with my granddaughters. So, I see him every day. We have a very close relationship. But you can’t make up for things you didn’t do.”
That’s a measure of character—facing the reality of the past while doing better in the present. Again, these are “choices that define a life” of self-awareness, integrity and truthfulness.
One of the reasons McChrystal wrote about character—and something he has reiterated on media appearances related to this book—is his desire to promote a national discussion of the role of character in society. Character is fundamental to leadership; without it, leadership is a position without moral conviction. Character, or rather the lack of it, is on full display in our culture when we see people in positions of power advocate for themselves rather than for those they are supposed to lead.
Living character
In their book Character Is Destiny, John McCain and co-author Mark Salter write, “Our character is a lifelong project, and perhaps the older we are, and the more fixed our shortcomings are, the more we can use inspiration to encourage our escape from the restraints of our deficiencies.”
Character is not being “holier than thou.” Character emerges from the frailty of the human psyche. It is a recognition rooted in self-awareness, knowing your strengths as well as your shortcomings. With that knowledge of imperfection, you live your life rooted in universal truths and lead your life in the practice of doing better for others.