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“Fifty years ago, living into one’s seventies was considered the mark of a long life. Today, seventy feels young, eighty feels normal, and ninety is within reach.”*

Longer life is a gift that previous generations did not have, so it challenges how to live it with purpose and joy. Longer life is a gift that previous generations did not have, so it challenges how to live it with purpose and joy.  Planning for the latter part of your life is not simply about preparing for what’s next. It is about applying your problem-solving skills used in your current life to create an even more enriching future.

Ayse Birsel explores this idea in her new book, Design the Long Live You Love. The book is based on workshops for those over 65 that Ayse conducted with research partners at Amazon and the SCAN Foundation. An award-winning industrial designer by trade, Ayse applied the discipline of design to teach elders how to apply the discipline of design to their personal lives. (It’s an approach she used in her earlier book, Design the Life You Love.)

Ayse told me in a recent interview that a designer is a problem solver. Their approach must be optimistic, holistic, empathetic, and collaborative. “These are all the principles of thinking like a designer. And what they do is help us reframe our situation. So when we think of design as a problem-solving discipline, these are all the tools you can use or the principles you can use to solve problems.”

Creating possibilities

This way opens the mind to possibilities that may be tried, experimented with, and eventually implemented. “So you ask what-if questions, which is all about opening your mind and saying, well, what if this is an opportunity? And that moves you [away] from a space of fearing the future to thinking about ideas and being excited by ideas and potential solutions.”

Fundamental to the book, as Ayse explained, are four concepts:

Love – opening your heart to others and yourself;

Purpose – discovering what you want to do now in the latter part of life;

Well-being – keeping yourself engaged mentally and physically (even with limitations); and

Friendship – making connections with new people.

Purpose is something that may be re-learned, says Ayse. For example, people reaching mid-life may ask, “What’s the meaning of my life?… That’s where you need to dive into self-made purpose. And as we get older, we get better at creating that self-made purpose. And one of the keys [to doing that] is helping others.”

In the research, Ayse never heard people say they were too old. “We had some people who were [in their] the late eighties and early nineties. When we invited them to come to design their life, none of them said, ‘Hey, aren’t you too late to ask me this?’ They were, ‘Yeah… We never know how long we will live, but we are all wired to want to design our life and do something that brings us joy.”

Social isolation is a problem, particularly for older people. A solution? “You seek friendship factories.” These “factories” can be volunteer activities, book clubs, and group events. What is essential is a willingness to participate. When they do, people find that they help not only themselves but others, too. Assisting others invigorates the mind, body, and spirit.

Putting design to work

As a designer, Ayse is about practicality. In her design work, she conducts warmup exercises to prepare herself to work. You can apply the same kind of warmup to design your life. Begin by thinking about what makes you happy. “Then you can draw it. You can take a picture of it. You can send it to a friend and say, ‘Hey, these clouds made me happy. I wanted to share it with you.'”

Designers are doers, and so too can we be when we apply skills we have to ponder, deliberate, and illustrate with our drawings or the pictures we take with our smartphones. Sharing them leads to the design application of collaboration. Enlist others to help us on our journey of renewal and discovery.

As we age, the challenge arises about integrating purpose into a life that may — or may not include employment — and can with creative planning and design include love, health, and companionship. Doing so, as Ayse advises, is fundamental to finding meaning and fulfillment.

*From a media release about Design the Long Life You Love.

Note: Here is a link to the full LinkedIn Live interview I conducted with Ayse Birsel.

First posted on Smartbrief.com 1.10.2023

For most Americans—even those who follow British politics from a distance—Sir Keir Starmer is an unknown quantity. Now, he is the country’s newest prime minister, ousting the Conservative majority that ruled for the past 14 years. Starmer, a human rights lawyer with working-class roots, shepherds a huge Labour majority that will ensure his party has the political muscle it needs to enact its agenda.

Starmer’s first speech as PM was a stellar example of how to communicate directly in compelling, candid, and compassionate words. For that reason, this speech is worthy of dissection.

Be Candid about What’s Next

Starmer was direct and to the point and did not pull any punches.

“Now our country has voted decisively for change, for national renewal and a return of politics to public service.

“When the gap between the sacrifices made by people and the service they receive from politicians grows this big, it leads to a weariness in the heart of a nation, a draining away of the hope, the spirit, the belief in a better future, that we need to move forward together.

“Now, this wound, this lack of trust, can only be healed by actions, not words. I know that. But have no doubt that the work of change begins immediately. Have no doubt that we will rebuild Britain with wealth created in every community.”

Make the Message Compelling

Starmer sketched out what his government intends to do, reiterating his campaign messages.

“But we can make a start today, with the simple acknowledgement that public service is a privilege and that your government should treat every single person in this country with respect.

“For too long now, we’ve turned a blind eye as millions slid into greater insecurity. Nurses, builders, drivers, carers, people doing the right thing, working harder every day, recognised at moments like this before, yet, as soon as the cameras stopped rolling, their lives are ignored.

“I want to say very clearly to those people, not this time. “Changing a country is not like flicking a switch. “The world is now a more volatile place. This will take a while.”

Show Compassion

Starmer addressed the need for unity and invited all to join the effort to rebuild Britain.

“If you voted Labour yesterday, we will carry the responsibility of your trust as we rebuild our country. But whether you voted Labour or not, in fact, especially if you did not, I say to you directly: My government will serve you.

“Politics can be a force for good. We will show that, we’ve changed the Labour Party, returned it to service and that is how we will govern, country first, party second.”

Be respectful

It must be noted that Rishi Sunak, his predecessor, also spoke warmly and professionally as he turned over the reigns of government. And Starmer picked up the thread by speaking kindly of the outgoing PM. “[Sunak’s] achievement as the first British-Asian prime minister of our country, the extra effort that that will have required should not be underestimated by anyone. And we pay tribute to that today. And we also recognise the dedication and hard work he brought to his leadership.” (Would we here in the States recapture that comity that used to be a hallmark of the American political process.)

Starmer’s message was clear. He and his party are calling for an end to “performative politics” where showmanship is all that counts. Starmer and Labour believe in what so many call “servant leadership” – putting the needs of others ahead of partisanship.

Fine speeches, no matter how well crafted, do not make change. They can only initiate it. Starmer’s challenge is to transform his words – and Labour policies – into action. Britain, like every nation, needs strong and compassionate leadership.

First posted on Forbes.com 7.05.2024

One of the criticisms that we often hear, especially about elected officials, is that they “lack spine.” This criticism is not unique to politicians. Most of us have worked with people who could apply the term.

What does it mean to lack spine? It means you will do whatever is necessary to keep your job.  A lack of spine is a reflection of willful ambiguity. Organized crime runs on this principle. You will lie, cheat, steal, or worse to keep yourself close to the center of power. You want the big boss to like you.

Lack of spine is evidence of an environment where disloyalty is the ultimate crime. Allegiance to the boss matters most. Such practices erode culture and lead to dysfunction and toxicity. Eventually, such cultures collapse but not before they wreak pain and havoc.

Stiffening the spine

The cure for lack of spine is a backbone — the courage to live up to standards that matter for the betterment of others. One leader who personified spine was Abraham Lincoln who acted with strength, resolve and moral authority to preserve the Union. But, before we explore his example, let’s define our terms in the form of this handy acronym.

Strength is standing up for what you believe and acting on those beliefs. “Moral authority,” wrote Stephen Covey, “comes from following universal and timeless principles like honesty, integrity, treating people with respect.”

Principle is rooted in purpose. What you believe and why you believe it. “To see what is right and not to do it is want of courage, or of principle,” said Confucius. Principle becomes the very marrow of the spine. It gives it the ability to remain upright in the face of adversity.

Integrity is the expression of ethical behavior. Telling the truth and holding oneself accountable is fundamental to behaving with honor, living not just for oneself but for the good of others.

Nurture is the caring side of leadership. It means investing yourself in the development of others. Another form of nurturing is coaching, finding ways to guide, and at the same time challenging them to do their best.

Energy is what is necessary to catalyze the organization. As sailors might say, “dead in the water.” In time you do nothing but drift. Leaders need to invest themselves in creating opportunities for others. That requires exertion.

Not perfection

Spine as an acronym is what we expect of our leaders. Leading with spine creates an expectation of focusing on doing what is right to achieve results that improve the whole.

A leader with spine may not always exert it. Call it a “slipped disc.” Yet they recognize their errors and acknowledge them. They apologize to those they have hurt. Even better, they make amends.

The acronym formed by spine is not intended to be comprehensive. It only touches on other attributes, such as wisdom, the type that comes from observation and experience. Wise leaders also know their limitations, what they can and cannot do, and therefore need help. Smart leaders are humble in their approach; they act with intention and kindness. 

Moral Abraham

And perhaps, there is no more outstanding example of a kind leader than Abraham Lincoln. As John Avlon writes so eloquently in Lincoln and the Fight for Peace, Lincoln knew that winning the Civil War was step one. After that, winning the peace would be the greater triumph. That would require him to exert fortitude (and yes, spine) as he had done through the war. 

Lincoln traveled to Richmond in the same week of his assassination. He met with Confederate officials and officers. And he toured the hospitals to meet Yankee soldiers and rebel soldiers, too. Lincoln sought ways to turn animosities that led to rebellion into a harmony that could lead to peace.

Again and again, accounts of these visits demonstrate the kindness and, by extension, the compassion Lincoln exuded. The tragedy is that his death ended the hopes for lasting peace, the ramifications for which we suffer today.

Leading with spine is rooted in the moral authority we exert to act upon the “better angels of our nature.”

First posted on SmartBrief on 6.13.2022

There once was a company — so the story goes — that grew so distrustful of its internal reporting systems that it hired an outside firm to monitor, report, and evaluate its sales numbers. Senior executives would compare the numbers generated internally with those generated externally. It would often side with the outside firm.

What this anecdote demonstrates is that when you run a large organization, you may not be getting the whole story. After all, the higher you move, the more significant perks, but your circle grows smaller. Eventually, all you see around you are people indebted to you – your influence, your authority, your power. They use your name to get things done; in return, they may tell you what you want to hear, not necessarily what you should listen to.

Avoid isolation

While it’s easy to blame the underlings for shading (or even obscuring the truth), the senior executive, including the CEO, can be to blame for tolerating the situation. In his memoir, My American Journey, the late Colin Powell wrote, “The day the soldiers stop bringing you their problems is the day you stopped leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help them or concluded that you do not care. Either case is a failure of leadership.” As a former chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and Secretary of State, Powell knew the isolation that rank brings.

Keep yourself in the loop.

Many executives with whom I have worked do a few things to keep confident they are in the loop. 

Visit the work. Or, as the practitioners of kaizen call it, “gemba – the place where value is created.” When the manager goes to see how the work is being done, they see firsthand how well or how poorly things are going. Talk to people doing the work, those on the line, customer service, sales, or wherever the company meets the customer. When speaking to folks on the front line, listen more than you talk. And give them your cell number if they want to follow up with you. 

Cultivate a trusted network. One benefit is that senior leaders who have established their careers with one company have an advantage over those who did not. Not only do they know how things get done, they know the people who can get things done. They rely upon them also for straight talk.

Question assumptions. “The fact that a great many people believe something,” wrote British novelist Somerset Maugham, “is no guarantee of its truth.” Leaders need to remind themselves that if something is too good to be true, it likely is. Working backward, such skepticism should provoke questions. The point is not to embarrass those doing the work but instead encourage them to do their questioning, even when it means the reworking of plans and their execution.

None of these things will occur without establishing a sense of trust. Trust is earned by the behavior and actions of those in charge. When bosses put their egos ahead of the work, employees are reluctant to speak out. Therefore, every leader must ensure that employees feel confident and comfortable speaking truth to power. That principle is fundamental to psychological safety.

Of course, doing all these things will not ensure clear and truthful reporting. There will be situations when people at the top are misled. When that happens, it is up to the leader to own the problem. Admit the shortcoming. Seek to make amends. And instill measures that will prevent misreporting from occurring again.

Accountability is essential to the health and welfare of the organization. Leaders who neglect it do so at their peril. Maybe they will not lose their jobs, but they will lose the respect of their direct reports, and when that occurs, it is only a matter of time before problems worse than misreporting happen again.

First posted on SmartBrief.com 8.19.22

Bob Odenkirk flatlined after suffering a heart attack.

After he recuperated, Odenkirk, star of AMC’s Better Call Saul,  told Terry Gross on Fresh Air that he had a sense of energy and was ready to get back to work. “And I came out of it with, like, strangely fresh energy towards my whole life like I was born again. … Like, hey, everybody, look where we are. Let’s go back to work and make stuff. And this is my family, and this is great. So I really kind of had an upbeat let’s-go-get-them energy.” 

What Odenkirk experienced is not unique. According to research and anecdotal evidence, patients feel a flood of emotions after a cardiac event. The heart, after all, is the engine that keeps blood, our life force, going. And so, after recovery, patients can feel better physically and emotionally, something clinicians refer to as post-traumatic growth, positive behavior change due to stress.

Odenkirk says that the feeling of energy has subsided, but he can now channel it when he needs to. “And that energy carried through. And it made it easier to be in the moment, which is your job as an actor… You know, it’s really advantageous to playing moments and to acting.” 

Odenkirk, whose background is in comedy, then jokes, “So, to all you actors out there, have a brief moment of death.” However, he adds in all seriousness, “I also experienced it once, so I can think back on it and reconnect with it. And I want to do that literally every day of my life. I really want to stay in touch with what happened there because it really was a great reconnection to being alive. And so I’d love to ruminate on it every day  and try to reconnect.”

Applying the lessons

It is essential for all actors, especially those working in film and television, when they must channel their skills into momentary bits of dialogue or action. That requires immense amounts of concentration, discipline, and of course, energy.

What Odenkirk has taken from his cardiac event has relevance for the rest of us; even (fingers-crossed), our tickers are working just fine. We need to have the same kind of discipline. The challenge is how to channel it. Ask yourself:

What do I like about what I do now? First, describe your feelings about what you do and why you want it. Then, consider how it fulfills your needs and aspirations.

What do I not like and why? Consider what is getting in the way of your engagement in your work. Is it a temporary obstacle or something more profound? Are you in a job that’s okay for the moment but not for the long-term?

How can I change the situation? This question may be the toughest. What changes do you need to make? You may end up changing jobs or careers. Such a move is life-changing, but it could be what will enable you to fill fulfilled later.

There is something else cardiac patients experience, especially those who have had a heart attack. A renewed sense of life. They feel they have been given a second chance and want to put their remaining years to the best use possible.

Life’s purpose

Our challenge is to examine ourselves and ask what we want from life. Are we living life to our fullest potential? The isolation produced by the pandemic certainly challenged many of us to re-think our life’s purpose. Such a re-examination can be challenging; it may mean letting go of our assumptions of who we think we truly are.

Erin Cech, author of The Trouble with Passion: How Searching for Fulfillment at Work Fosters Inequality,and professor of sociology at the University of Michigan, told me in an interview that everyone need not find purpose at work. Purpose can emerge from generating income to provide for the family and afford a better lifestyle. Purpose can be flexible.

“Personal health,” said famed educator Maria Montessori, “is related to self-control and the worship of life in all its natural beauty – self-control bringing with it happiness, renewed youth, and long life.” Our challenge is to exert our sense of self, so we open ourselves to new experiences that provide greater meaning and joy.

First posted on Forbes.com 00.00.2022

Overnight success seldom occurs before “dawn.” In fact it may even begin with rejection.

“I learned that I wasn’t very good in my first play. Yeah, I was really bad. I really struggled. It was quite a shock, actually,” said Matthew Macfayden about his first role out of drama school. “But looking back, I guess it was quite a good thing because it was a real – it was my first job. And it was quite scary and quite lonely at times.” Macfayden explained to Dave Davies on Fresh Air that he found his role in The Dutchess of Malfi very challenging. “I didn’t know how to make Antonio interesting, and I just wasn’t very good. And the reviewers didn’t think I was very good either.”

Macfayden says that he had the confidence to know this role was not the best for him at the time, and he needed to act in other parts. However, Macfayden persisted in his craft and recently won an Emmy for his role as Tom Wambsgans in the HBO hit Succession. Such an award recognizes an actor’s talent but also its impact on those who experience it. 

Building self-confidence

Early challenges often bring out the best in us if we are willing to learn from them. Executive coaches often deal with self-confidence issues, even in the most outwardly successful executives. The word “outwardly” means they achieved good results for their colleagues, but “inwardly” may feel not good enough or unworthy. 

Part of this may be due to the imposter syndrome, the feeling that you are not good enough at your job and therefore do not deserve what you have achieved. A bit of this feeling is a healthy check on the ego; too much of this negative thought can hinder personal and professional development. 

Whatever feelings of inadequacy one may feel professionally, it is essential to overcome them. Here are some questions to help.

What have I achieved thus far? First, it is essential to recognize that where you are now is a result of some success, starting with school, as well as accomplishments earlier in your career. Remembering what you have achieved should give you some degree of confidence.

What more do I want to accomplish and why? Be specific if you want to do more in your career. What role do you see yourself playing at work, and what do you want to accomplish in that goal? You also need to consider why you want these roles. Is it to make more money, gain a promotion, or seek greater recognition? Whatever you decide is fine; knowing why is essential.

How can I prepare myself to assume new roles? Knowing what to achieve points you in the right direction. Getting there is a matter of application. Is it more schooling, more professional development, more responsibilities? Seek guidance from colleagues you trust and discuss ways to position yourself for greater success.

Shifting the focus to others

Knowing yourself is essential to achievement. Self-awareness also can embrace a recognition your impact on others. In a TEDx talk, best-selling author-keynote speaker David Burkus asked: “Who is served by the work we do?” Knowing that answer determines your purpose. It opens the door to service. 

Furthermore, leaders must realize that serving others begins with putting employees into positions where they can be the most effective. Such mindset shifts thinking from “me” to “we.” Leadership relies upon self-preparation, but its purpose is fulfilled in its positive effect on others.

Understanding yourself – and your role in helping others – is a confidence builder. 

First posted on Forbes.com 00.00.2022

One of the things I have long advised executives to develop and practice their key messages – is succinct summary overviews of significant issues. Doing so keeps the executive on top of what is happening, so when asked about an issue, they have a response.

Working with a communications professional to help develop these messages is even better. David Frum, former speechwriter for George W. Bush, writes in The Atlantic about how the White House comms team produced “cheat sheets” for the president. His successor, Joe Biden, continues the practice. Yet, as Frum says, “Some of [Biden’s] supporters have expressed alarm that a president would do such a thing. Perhaps these cards—aide-mémoire, after all—are a sign of age and frailty?”

No, argues Frum, explaining that then-much younger Bush used them regularly, particularly after being caught off guard by a fact he could not remember. And Bush did not try to hide his note cards. As Frum explained, the cheat sheets – more elaborate than a single key message – contained information about the audience, the issue, key facts, and even jokes and additional thoughts.

Developing note cards is a savvy practice. Who wants a president’s – or any senior leader’s – head filled with trivia? An executive’s job is to know the big picture, not the minutiae. But, having too much on the mind can be taxing and keeps the executive from concentrating on what is truly important.

Tell your story

Here are some suggestions for building your note cards (or having a professional do it for you.) 

Present the context. The cheat should sketch the story. Why is the issue important? What is its impact on others? What has been done previously? Consider it a story that needs to be told from the executive’s perspective. And be honest. (Obvious, yes, but in our age of spin cycles, it is ignored.)

Pepper in the facts. As you would season a stew, add critical ingredients – the facts and figures relevant to the issue. State the positives, but do not hide the negatives. Be straight with the data. You gain respect by telling the truth. 

Know an anecdote or two. Make the issue personal. Talk about what it means to people. Present the benefits of an initiative by sketching.

Review the cheat sheets. Before speaking to an audience of two or more, review the content. Revise regularly to keep them fresh. Significant issues never disappear. They linger, but the response to the issues needs to be freshened.

One more thing. For formal presentations, teleprompter is still widely used. Note cards are used in less formal environments when full scripts are not needed.

Final thought

 “Being the president is a tough job,” Frum concludes. “It’s the center of everything. It comes with a huge staff for a reason. Winging it is not a virtue.” That dictum applies to anyone in leadership.

Knowing your messages and putting them on paper is a good exercise. It helps you organize your thoughts. Having them ready will free your mind to focus on what’s important. Surprisingly, you may not even refer to your note cards. You will have internalized them. 

And so you can speak comfortably knowing that if you need a specific fact, you are holding it right in your hands.

First posted on Forbes.com 00.00.2024

It can be dispiriting to live in an age when what makes news is less about what matters and more about who got the better of whom. This dictum is the rule in politics and sadly often spills over into “real life,” where friends and family relationships are sundered due to differing points of view.

We need recognition of mutual respect, comity, courtesy – in a word – civility.

The Soul of Civility by Alexandra O. Hudson is an excellent place to begin to think about where we are now and what we could become if we abided by what Abraham Lincoln called “the better angels of our nature.”

Standing the Test of Time

The subtitle of Hudson’s tome says it all: Timeless Principles to Heal Society and Ourselves. The lesson Hudson draws reach from the Epic of Gilgamesh to Curb Your Enthusiasm. Throughout the book, there are rich dollops of writings from Marc Aurelius, Epictetus, Thomas Aquinas, Chaucer and Hannah Arendt, to name just a few. It is Hudson’s skill as a writer that she weaves these insights into her chapters so seamlessly that we keep wanting more, not less. Philosophy was made easy and, more importantly, accessible.

As Hudson notes, civility does not preclude civil disobedience. Citing the examples of the Abolition movement, which championed the eradication of slavery to the modern age of civil rights, she argues that civil disobedience in the pursuit of righteousness—in keeping with the principles of integrity, freedom, and democracy she explores—is necessary to create a more just and more civil society.

Hudson writes about forgiveness. Just because we have been wronged does not mean we should succumb to bitterness. Forgiveness belongs to the one harmed, and what they do with that ownership is up to them. Yet fundamental to civility is the power to forgive, not to forget, to move forward. Acting relies upon magnanimity, a rising above to embrace the greater good. 

Action Items

At the end of each chapter, action items bring the stories and philosophical debates into sharp focus. Here are some examples:

Integrity: “Avoid rewarding spectacle with our attention, and instead choose to elevate substance.” (Focus on the issue, not the noise.)

Civil society: “Consider creating a ‘third space’ that can be a place of building relationship and community, and be refuge from our divided space. This can be a front lawn, a living room, a park, or a front porch.” (Safety breeds connection and community.)

Education: “Remember that the goal of education should be cultivating a love of our fellow persons, ordering our passions, and curbing our self-love so that our social natures might flourish.” (It all begins with what we teach our children.)

Polarization and Tolerance: “Remember the difference between civility and politeness, and that true friendship requires civil truth-telling in love, and not patronizing politeness.” (In short, be honest with those you love.)

Of particular joy to me was Hudson’s analysis of Curb Your Enthusiasm, calling creator-star Larry David “television’s favorite curmudgeon… the most astute modern observer of civility… Curb reveals the social norms we take for granted by having its characters constantly break those norms.” Larry and his cast are serial offenders who make us laugh but reinforce what we know to be true. We aspire to be kind, courteous and civil, but sometimes we can’t help ourselves. (To which I can see Larry, the character saying, “Not so fast,” and Larry, the creator, wink.)

Fittingly, the book closes on a note of hope. In the final chapter, Hudson includes this quote from Bobby Kennedy: “Let us dedicate ourselves to what the Greeks wrote so many years ago: to tame the savageness of man and make gentle the life of this world.”

First posted on Forbes.com 4.00.2024

What struck journalist Julia Boorstin as interesting when researching her book, When Women Lead, was not how underrepresented women were but rather how successful they were when given the opportunity. “When women have defied the odds, their leadership skills and strategies have made them exceptional and offer a lot for everyone to learn from. I think that we should have more women in leadership positions because all the data indicates they do better.”

Boorstin, who has reported for CNBC since 2006 and before that for Fortune magazine, interviewed over 120 women for When Women Lead: What They Can Achieve, Why They Succeed, and How We Can Learn from Them. “What I saw is that every woman I had I interviewed had a growth mindset. These women had the balance of humility and confidence, humility to understand that they didn’t know everything they could keep on getting better.”

Understanding others

“Empathy is essential to understand how to lead people. You need to understand where they’re coming from,” Boorstin told me in a recent interview. And such an understanding opens the door to dealing not only with employees but also with key stakeholders like customers and investors. Empathy can lead to vulnerability, which Boorstin defines as “admitting what you don’t know, and that invites collaboration, and vulnerability is essential to elevate the potential of the people you’re working with.”

Contrary to some perceptions, says Boorstin, “women actually feel more comfortable demonstrating vulnerability.” While some may fear showing weakness, vulnerability can be liberating. Moreover, it enables women leaders to seek help from outside sources. For example, according to Boorstin, the global pandemic was the great interrupter for which no one had the answers. In that instance, the ability of women leaders to incorporate outside perspectives enabled them to help their organizations deal effectively with the crisis the pandemic provoked.

Practicing self-awareness

Boorstin noted that women leaders who had competed in athletics in high school or college used that experience to their advantage. “Athletes have a couple of advantages. First, they fail frequently. If you’re competing as an athlete, you’re getting out onto the field, and you’ll lose half the games on average unless you’re very, very on a very good team. But you get used to frequent failure.” 

Furthermore, says Boorstin, “women lead athletes are trained in self-competition. It’s not just about competing against another team. It’s not just about working at a team as a team. It’s about pushing yourself to compete on your own track. [And] understanding here’s how I did in this game, here’s how I failed, here’s what I need to work on to improve.”

This kind of self-awareness can lead to leadership awareness and the willingness to do after-action reviews of team and organizational performance. Additionally, because so few women are in senior leadership positions, they are “outsiders,” even in a leadership positions. This minority status gives them a different perspective they can utilize to improve their business, that is, see it differently from insiders. And if they leave for another job, they can apply a “fresh eyes” approach. They can be disruptors of the status quo to deliver value to others, especially customers.

Her book is not just for women, says Boorstin. “The reality is I wrote When Women Lead to be inspiring to women but to be helpful for men. Men need to be liberated to lead in their own ways as well. They shouldn’t have to feel like they have to fit themselves into a box of that old [practices]. Everyone has their strengths. Those all can be turned into leadership superpowers no matter what gender you are.”

Note: You can see my full interview with Julia Boorstin here on my LinkedIn Live show, Grace under pressure.

First posted on Forbes.com 00.00.2022

A favorite word of mine in coaching is Brava! (Or Bravo for men)

For many, being coached is not fun. Discussing your performance and aspirations, including your plans for positive change, with a stranger takes gumption. While the coach is a willing listener, their role is to challenge your thinking so that you question your assumptions and come to new understandings of yourself. Whew!

That takes work, so when someone I am coaching achieves a milestone or comes to a new moment of awareness, I applaud them. I pride myself on being a cheerleader for those I coach.

Time and again, those I coach tell me how much they appreciate the fact that not only is someone listening but that someone is also reassuring them that they are on the right path. In this way, I am channeling the lessons of my later father, a family practice physician. He used to say that what he offered most was reassurance. That reassurance was founded on believing that my doctor understands my condition and will help me improve.

C for Coaching

Cheering does not preclude the other “C” words – conversing, challenging, and coaching. Let’s take them one at a time.

Conversations are dialogue between the coach and the individual. They open the door to understanding feedback gained from others and self-assessments. Conversations create windows into what the individual is thinking.

Challenging is the adversarial positioning that is sometimes required to provoke deep thought. It is the role of a coach to disrupt current perceptions—not because they are necessarily wrong—but because doing so opens the doors to deeper self-understanding.

Coaching is a catch-all term that can include advising, teaching and, more importantly, listening. As an advisor, the coach shares insights into a particular situation. As a teacher, the coach acts as an interlocutor to help the individual learn ways to think differently, communicate more clearly, manage more effectively and lead with greater understanding. 

When coaching embraces conversation and challenges—along with listening and observation—it opens the door for one more “C” word—congratulations. Give the individual credit for making positive change. This encouragement is especially critical at the beginning of the coaching engagement. Change does not occur overnight. It is often the result of a series of small steps that cumulatively add up to something grand.

 Cheering is not reserved just for coaches. It is a practice for managers, too. It is important to recognize progress and acknowledge effort and achievement. Cheering builds cohesion and camaraderie—both are essential to effective team performance.

Note to the wise.

If the amount of applause outweighs the coaching processes, you are likely not doing the individual any good. Your praise becomes either happy talk or sucking up. Neither is good coaching and may end up reinforcing the status quo.

Cheering the individual through coaching affirms their progress. It builds their self-esteem during the transition from where they are now to where they want to go. Making personal change is not always easy, so offering words of encouragement along the way goes a long way toward enabling the individual to feel better about themselves and their effort.

Cheers!

First posted on Smartbrief.com 00.00.2024