Author: John Baldoni

One of the reasons negotiations grind to a halt is that one party is playing “the heavy” and the other party seems at a loss as to how to deal with the situation. In in those moments of hesitation, the heavy gets what they want and the acquiescent party gets little.

It does not have to be this way.

When dealing with “a heavy,” it is important to identify the type of person you are dealing with. That is, “knowing what he’ll do to perpetuate his efforts,” writes globally-recognized negotiation expert Dr. Greg Williams.

“This identification process is paramount to the strategies you’ll create to combat him. As part of the identification process, you must be attentive to what he says, the words he uses to make his pronouncements. That means you have to listen intently and not be thinking of the rebuttals you’ll offer while he’s speaking.” [Disclaimer: Dr. Williams is a member of 100 Coaches of which I am also a member.]

Steps toward negotiating

When dealing with someone who likes to play “the heavy,” it is important to identify the type of person you are dealing with. That is, “knowing what he’ll do to perpetuate his efforts,” writes globally-recognized negotiation expert Dr. Greg Williams. [Disclaimer: Dr. Williams is a member of 100 Coaches of which I am also a member.]

“This identification process is paramount to the strategies you’ll create to combat him. As part of the identification process, you must be attentive to what he says, the words he uses to make his pronouncements. That means you have to listen intently and not be thinking of the rebuttals you’ll offer while he’s speaking.”

Understand your outcome. Knowing what you want to accomplish before you begin negotiating is essential. Keep it front and center as you converse.

Do your homework. Find out as much as you can about the person with whom you will be negotiating. Ask questions of people who know them or have dealt with them previously. Read up on tactics they may employ against you.

Role play. Stage a give-and-take session with your team members. Consider it practice before the game. Ask others to ask you tough questions, even if it means being insulted. 

Stay calm. Do not rise to the bait. Take a deep breath and stay focused on the outcome. “Be vigilant of nonverbal cues,” advises Dr. Williams. “Nod to display agreement, maintain an open stance to convey approachability, and mirror the opposition’s positive gestures. Always give attention to the body language negotiators exhibit, and align your gestures to increase rapport and trust.”

Seek common ground. Look past the taunts to find common ground. Express your desire to find solutions that benefit both parties (or all parties). Be the voice of reason. “Use interest-based negotiation techniques, such as asking open-ended questions to uncover underlying interests and exploring multiple options before settling on one,” says Dr. Williams. “To do this more effectively, seek to expose the ‘why’ the other party pursues the outcome they are after. Propose solutions that address all parties’ core needs, emphasizing collaboration over competition.”

Remain open to discussion. Know when to end a negotiating session, but make it clear that you want to continue exploring ways to work together.

One more thing

There is another solution. Silence. Too often, we become so enamored of our position that we exaggerate it, sometimes to the point of overstatement. Learn the art of the pause. You do not have to keep talking. Silence can be a stealth weapon in your arsenal. Coupling calmness with resolute silence can be masterful.

Negotiating with someone who is trying to provoke you is their tactic. It does not have to be yours. Learn how to keep your cool.

First posted on Forbes.com 6.01.2025

Your ideas aren’t big enough!

That was said to me by an event planner who had hired me for a small conference but did not think I was ready for the bigger stage. Since the audience was in the finance sector, I took no offense. She was looking for a speaker who could address pressing issues related to strategy, scaling and sales—all great topics but not within my bailiwick.

The planner’s comment, however, gets to the heart of why so many people feel that their ideas are not worthy of a wider audience. Some colleagues who are embarking on writing a book sometimes wonder if their ideas are original enough. I always assure them that originality is laudable, but it is not the be-all and end-all.

Some perspective

My ideas, both published and spoken, focus on what’s often referred to – sometimes dismissively – as the “soft stuff” – the caring, commitment, and compassion we extend to others. For me, those ideas are plenty of “big.” At the same time, there is nothing original. Management authority and prolific author Tom Peters has written, “My life in six words: Hard is soft. Soft is hard.” Peters means that managing the human side of the business is often harder than managing the “quant” side of the business. After all, what’s more important than taking care of your people?

Why you?

So, how can you differentiate your ideas from others? Specifically, what gives you the authority to write and speak about your chosen topic? It comes down to integrity, integration and presentation.

Integrity is the foundation of your public self. It is a combination of your education, experience, perspective and accomplishments. What can you share with others that will help them address their issues? For example, if you are an entrepreneur, what can people learn from your experience? Or, if you are an executive coach, what insights into human behavior will enable your audience to gain greater awareness?

Integration is your source material. What research do you cite? Did you do the research yourself, or are you pulling it from recognized sources, e.g., academic or professional? (Always add citations to your work.)

Presentations are where you pitch your ideas. If you are writing an article or a book, do you tell stories? Do you use illustrations and graphics? Do you weave in data points? What you do matters and will give your ideas a lift, a professional sheen.

The same goes for live presentations. Consider your stage presence. How do you take the stage, making eye contact and leveraging the energy in the room? Do you ask questions of your audience? Will you engage in question-and-answer sessions after your presentations?

Connecting more fully

When you write and present, you share yourself with others. Physician-philosopher Albert Schweitzer wrote, “Man can no longer live for himself alone. We must realize that all life is valuable and that we are united to all life. From this knowledge comes our spiritual relationship with the universe.” Your thoughts, ideas and works enable you to connect more fully with others.

Knowing your material and presenting it in ways that leverage your experience makes your ideas big enough to make a positive difference in the lives of readers and audiences alike.

First posted on 6.04.2025

Sometimes, the best way to learn about someone is to stay silent.

 This is a method that Pulitzer Prize-winning writer Hilton Als applied when he wrote a story for The New Yorker on the musician Prince. Rather than sit down and pepper the star with questions – a technique that many journalists use – Als slipped backstage and was waved in by the star himself. Als sat back and watched how Prince “brightened” when he interacted with fellow musicians Maceo and Larry Graham. As Als told Tanya Mosley on Fresh Air, “And then I understood that I had stayed and been allowed to stay, and it was very interesting.”

 After the show, Als slipped away, and in the nick of time, an assistant to Prince flagged him down, saying that Prince would like to meet with him again. Later, Prince offered Als the opportunity to collaborate on his memoir. Als declined that offer because it would have been a conflict of interest with The New Yorker. But Als is something more valuable – trust. Prince, says Als, “heard the silence. And in hearing the silence, he was able to speak to me.”

 Practicing silence

“The quieter you become, the more you are able to hear,” said the Persian poet Rumi. Silence is a wonderful practice when it comes to making a connection and, over time, gaining an individual’s trust.

 There are ways to cultivate silence. Als begins his mornings by listening to nature and avoiding human chatter. Nature is a great stimulus for practicing silence if you take the time to be mindful of the situation.

 For example, be present in the moment. Watch what is occurring around you – birds in flight, sometimes chattering. Listen to the breeze ripple through leaves, bathing the area in a cocoon of whooshing.

 If you cannot experience nature directly, apply your mindful spirit to what is happening around you. You can remain silent in a busy location. You may hear snatches of conversation mixed with sounds of traffic or wailing police sirens. Just listen.

You can also listen to the silence in your home. Sit in a comfortable chair, close your eyes and pick up sounds—or lack of them—all around you.

In our rush-rush world filled with barrages of sounds – some loud as sirens, another simple clattering of keys on the keyboard, silence can be at a premium. But sound should not interfere with our intention of listening. Frances Bacon posited that “Silence is the sleep that nourishes wisdom.” Silence, therefore, opens the door to learning.

 Silence in verse

Silence, because it can help us look inward, naturally lends itself to poetry.

The absence of sound.

Sterile, cold, silent.

But.

There is sound.

A bird chirping.

Crickets chorusing.

Voices muffling.

Cars whooshing.

Silent, no. Quiet, yes.

Quietude.

There is warmth in its embrace.

If we listen.

Silence is everywhere. If we only listen.

First posted on Smartbrief.com 05.08.2025

Sometimes, when you tell a big story, you start with a small one.

That’s the approach that author Michael Lewis takes as editor of Who Is Government. As Lewis writes, “There is the stereotype of the ‘government worker.” We all have in our heads this intractable picture: The nine-to-fiver living off the taxpayer who adds no value and has no energy and somehow still subverts the public will.” 

Lewis has gathered fellow writers to tell the stories of women and men who work in the federal government. “The PR wing of the federal government isn’t really allowed to play offense, just a grinding prevent defense,” writes Lewis. “And the sort of people who become civil servants – the characters profiled in this book – tend not to want or seek attention.” 

The stories contained are inspiring because they laud the expertise of these employees and underscore the commitment they have to our nation. Without exaggeration, they are soldiers on the home front working to serve and protect our natural resources, our food supply, our healthcare system, our research sciences, and so much more. [Lewis’s earlier book, The Fifth Risk, similarly addressed this topic.]

The stories

Among the stories that resonate are ones that no one would ever know about unless one went looking—as Lewis and the contributors did.

“The Canary” profiles Christopher Mark, who pioneered a way to prevent mine roof collapses, the largest killer of miners. Mark, who once worked as a coal miner in his youth, went on to get a Ph.D. in engineering and wrote his thesis on ways to prevent mine roof collapses. His work has resulted in minimizing such collapses and saving many lives.

“The Sentinel” features Roland E. Waters of the National Cemetery Administration (NCA). “Perhaps the most striking thing about Ron Waters,” writes Casey Cep, “His agency is one of the world’s experts on death, but he is an expert on how to live.” One aspect of what his agency does is repatriate the remains of service personnel who died overseas, something in which it takes pride. More broadly, these cemeteries “are designed to stir our moral imagination… on behalf, though not always, on behalf of our highest ideals.” The effort the agency expends gained them the highest customer satisfaction scores of any organization, as ranked by the University of Michigan’s study. On a 100-point scale, Costco scored 85, Apple 83 and Facebook 69. The average score for federal agencies is 68. NCA scored 97.

“The Equalizer” tells the story of Pamela Wright of the National Archives. A native Montanan, Wright administers the Archives, which manages the documents the government generates, including presidential records, historical documents, and Census Data. It also innovates. It was Wright who oversaw the development of a digital reference platform, the History Hub.

The agency also “physically” cares for the U.S. Constitution. All employees take an oath to that Constitution. As Wright told contributor Sarah Vowell, “That oath makes you realize that what you are doing is fundamentally important to the country, no matter what capacity you are in.”

More stories

Other stories include ones about a team of men and women working at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Lab looking for signs of extra-terrestrial life; another about an FDA epidemiologist who founded CURE ID, a database for registering case histories of rare diseases that in turn can generate pathways to cures; and an IRS director working to detect cases of cyber fraud – an effort that actually generates income from “criminal settlements.”

The return

Streamlining government is a worthy goal. We all have been bedeviled at times by bureaucratic snafus (and snares), and so improvement is necessary. Yet, as with change, we say change is good as long as I don’t have to change myself. The same is true for the government. 

Now, with the government under siege by cost-cutting measures that to some seem arbitrary and, in some cases, cruel, this book stands as a testament to those who represent the best of us. 

First posted on Forbes.com 4.26.2025

How would you tell the story of your parents and your early upbringing?

Well, that’s a question that Ron Howard and brother Clint Howard tackle in The Boys because both of the boys grew up on television—not watching it—but starring in programs that dominated the ratings in pre-streaming days. Ron, then Ronny, played Opie Taylor in the long-running Andy Griffith Show. Clint starred in Gentle Ben as the boy who had befriended a bear.

Later, Ron traded television—after starring in Happy Days—for filmmaking, a life-long passion. Clint continued in his career, becoming a rarity: a child star who matriculated into an adult actor, playing hundreds of character roles. Both were the sons of Jean and Rance Howards, both Oklahoma-born actors who migrated first to New York and later to Los Angeles.

Four Lessons

Without giving away key parts of the story, I will focus on four aspects of the book that resonated with me from a leadership angle.

The first lesson is craft. Rance Howard did not push either of his boys into acting; he opened the door for them, and each flourished in his own way. Since Ronny and Clint were acting before they could read, it fell to Rance to help them interpret their lines and get to the story’s truth. A technique that both mastered and Rance, in turn, shared with other child actors  — and adults, too — as a dialogue coach on many films and television shows, often when he had a small acting role himself.

The second lesson is persistence. Rance never made the big time, but he was a working actor his entire life. His work ethic as one seeking work and also writing screenplays provided an example for both boys. Although Ron succeeded as an actor, his true passion was film, and like any budding filmmaker, he had to go through hoops to succeed. Clint, too, persisted as a character, persevering through personal crises to continue working.

The third is lesson is brotherhood. Ron and Clint take turns telling their boyhood stories and their experiences. What comes through loudly and clearly, however, is the respect that each has for the other. Ron is five years Clint’s senior, a positive in that he broke ground that his little brother could use to his advantage. Clint had struggles with substance abuse, but neither brother gave up on himself or their relationship. Because Ron had married and lived on the East Coast, Clint became closer to his father after his mother died. The two continued running lines for acting roles right up to the final weeks of Rance’s death.

The fourth lesson is collaboration. Andy Griffith was a movie star turned television icon when he created the Andy Griffith Show. The fictional town of Mayberry was a nostalgic look at Andy’s own hometown, Mount Airy, North Carolina. The collaborative ethos on the set buttressed the community created on television. The Andy that Ron describes was kind, gracious and diligent. Andy worked as hard as anyone to make the show true to character and set an example through his work ethic. It was a family show that ran like a family in the sense that people pulled their weight for themselves and others.

The Final Cut

Given that The Boys is a memoir, some of the remembrances—although researched—may be biased. Not that there are dark sides not explored, but that what Ron and Clint remembered may not be the whole story. Not because they are hiding anything, but because they are telling their own story from their own point of view. “Memory is the diary we all carry within us,” wrote Oscar Wilde.

The Boys is more than a warm-hearted story. It’s an inside look at how to survive in a business that could be cruel without succumbing to it, but instead by maintaining a positive attitude through hardship and success.

First posted on Forbes.com on 3.01.2025

War is a writer’s medium.

Even in the age of instant imaging, the lasting expressions of war are those expressed by soldiers who have lived the experience. One of them is Bill Glose, poet-editor-author. Glose served in the Gulf War and is the son of a Vietnam War fighter pilot. His perspective is that of one who was in the war and knew first-hand the toll that war exacts upon loved ones waiting for their return. His experience is instructive for anyone in management who is exploring what it means to be aware of self and others you lead.

In an essay for The War Horse, Glose writes, “When I came back from Iraq, I carried with me the images of landscapes littered with ruined bodies. To deal with the stew of emotions roiling inside, I emulated my father, who never spoke about his experiences in Vietnam. Stoicism was his fortress. It became mine, too.”

“Silence,” as Glose writes, “had served as a tolerable stopgap when action ruled my world. But once I left the Army, I had too much free time to think. I’d seen reports about the high rate of veteran suicides—22 per day. I hadn’t considered taking my own life, but I often got angry at simple things, exploding in violent outbursts.” So, at the urging of a friend who was a poet, Bill began putting his war experiences into poetry.

Getting to the heart of the matter

Glose’s poetry, as seen in his second collection, Half a Man, has an immediacy that cuts to the quick. Glose shared with me in a recent interview that poetry is an ideal medium for expressing what soldiers are experiencing. “There are certain things you can do with poetry that you can’t do with prose. You can explore the emotional impact of issues instead of trying to pull the issues apart; you can focus on sensory details and visual imagery instead of having to give exact descriptions and fill in all the context. Essays and articles always seek to explain the why behind something. But ambiguity is fine in a poem. It allows you to explore painful subjects and ask questions you want to avoid without needing an answer.”

Glose continues, “Specifically regarding war, poetry, writing, poems about your war experience can be picking away a scab. It can hurt at first, but each time you rip it off, the scab shrinks a little bit, the pain diminishes, and then the skin beneath grows healthier. So it can be like a type of self-therapy, a way to face your traumatic experiences instead of burying them away.”

State of Fear: There and Here

In 2022, Glose recently published his first work of fiction, All the Ruined Men, as a means of widening his lens on the war experience. “Poetry is great for exploring these tiny moments, but I wanted to look at the lives of soldiers completely. I wanted to see what it was like for them before and during war and then mostly afterwards how the war had changed them.”

“Many books are written about the horrors of war,” says Glose. “I wanted to write about how difficult it can be to come home afterwards. So that’s what All the Ruined Men is about. It follows a single squad of paratroopers in the 82nd Airborne after they’ve served in numerous combat tours and now they’re coming back home and trying to adjust to civilian life. And they each have a difficult time of it.”

So often, as we discuss soldiers in combat zones, we overlook the toil it takes on their families. “Just like the soldiers are in a state of fear. Their families are in a state of fear, too. You don’t know exactly what’s going on over there. And anytime you hear about any action that happened, you always fear that your loved one was involved. And then, when they come home, it’s strange getting to know them again because they have changed so much. But the families, they’ve changed as well through this process of fear.”

 Helping Those Who Have Served

Civilians have images of war gleaned from what they see on television or read in books, but unless you have experienced war first-hand, it is wholly foreign. And some struggle to connect or re-connect with family members and friends who have served. Glose has some advice. “If you don’t know how to begin a conversation, ask them about some hijinks they used to get into. Ask [about] some funny story that you and your buddies got in trouble for. What’s something really stupid that you did?” Prompting with those kinds of light-hearted questions may get the veteran laughing. “That opens up that door to talk about more serious things.”

Glose is sometimes asked if reading or knowing about books depicting war will re-traumatize soldiers. “My thought is the same thing as how I changed my approach for my father. Nothing ever gets better by ignoring it. Sharing these stories, letting them know they’re not alone. I think that’s a fantastic thing to do.”

War changes everything, especially those who fight it. Writers who have served may be called to find the truth of the experience. In their doing, we learn of war’s terrible lessons as well as its life-altering power. Writers like Bill Glose shape their experiences into poems and stories that illuminate the human condition, a valuable lesson for anyone in leadership.

For my LinkedIn Live interview with Bill Glose, click here.

First posted on Forbes.com 12.00.2024

Go ahead and panic.

Go outside and scream.

This advice was from Michelle Singletary, who spoke on NPR’s 1Aabout the angst and fear that many of us are feeling about the wavering state of our economy. Singletary is the nationally syndicated personal finance columnist for the Washington Post. She has held that post for more than 20 years, and for one good reason: She offers common sense.

And so her caveat to her comments speaks volumes. Don’t act on your panic.

Singletary’s advice is suitable not simply for consumers and investors but for anyone in a management position. The uncertainty we are feeling now is palpable. The economy seems in stasis. Job cuts to government employees fuel anxiety. Contracts are not being let. 

Angst is real

Employees in the private sector are looking over their shoulders. Am I next? They wonder.

No one—certainly not this leadership correspondent—knows what is coming next, but one thing I do know is that what will steady us now and enable us to meet the challenges of the future will be remembered. How leaders respond to the unease of those they lead now will be remembered. So, having lived through more than a few economic uncertainties, let me offer a few tips.

Take the temperature. What are people saying about the situation? 

Listen to your team. It’s easy to listen to what is said out loud, but it’s tough to decipher what is not said. When fear takes hold, people shut down. Read the room. Ask open-ended questions. Reveal what you are feeling. Make it safe for people to speak up.

Recognize their efforts. Compliment the team on what they have accomplished to date and can achieve in the future. 

Connect with your team

Will these steps—collectively or individually—improve the situation? No. Your leadership actions will demonstrate that you care, that you understand the issues and challenges, and that you know how they feel.

Decades ago, I witnessed an example of reassurance from a VP executive whose company was about to be purchased by a larger entity. It was a surprise move, and everyone seemed on edge except the VP. Straight out, he told employees that he did not know what would come next, but he did offer one assurance. He told the managers in the room to invite him to their regular staff meetings. He would listen and take questions. In short, he would be present.

Be accessible

Tough times are terrible to endure. For leaders, they have an opportunity to show their mettle for the benefit of those they serve. We cannot control the situation around us, only how we react to it. “When you have peace in yourself and accept, then you are calm enough to do something,” wrote the Vietnamese monk and poet Thich Nhat Hanh, “but if you are carried by despair, there is no hope.” In short, face the situation with a sense of calm and resolve to help yourself and your team persevere.

First posted on Forbes.com 3.22.2025

In a recent interview, Will Packer, a successful film producer, told Ayesha Roscoe, host of NPR’s Weekend Edition Sunday, that “healthy arrogance” can be a demonstration that you have something to offer. 

“Healthy arrogance is a supreme confidence that you walk into a room and it doesn’t matter how successful, powerful or important the people are in that room,” says Packer. “You realize that no one in that room is more important or more deserving of success than you. And not only do you belong in that room, but you have something to add to that room and that room is better because you’re in it and you can bring everybody in that room up typically by getting them to see the commonality and the values and the goals that you’re trying to attain.” Packer explores these ideas in his new book, Who Better Than You? The Art of Healthy Arrogance & Dreaming Big.

Packer’s comments are one of the best and most succinct definitions of a leader’s role and responsibilities. Packer is Black, and he knows the feeling that so many minorities and women feel in such situations. While some organizations may tolerate this sense of unbelonging, successful leaders do not let it prevent them from pursuing their goals. Such leaders believe in themselves and in what they can do. 

A key phrase in politics today is “performative,” that is, doing something for the show because it will seem good rather than acting upon on your convictions. Leadership, however, is an act because it is about working with others and—here’s the difference—for the benefit of others. Leaders show that they are working, as Packer said, for the common good. 

How to act the part

Leaders, as Packer stated, must own the stage and deliver on it. Here are some suggestions.

Know what you stand for, your purpose, and how you can apply it to your work. 

Believe in your abilities. Understand that you have skills that can be applied to the job. Show folks what you can do.

Find a common cause. The heart of leadership is bringing people together for a collective purpose. Explain the cause so it is crystal clear and viscerally understood.

Work the plan. Apply your abilities to help the team achieve the goals through their efforts. Celebrate their efforts and keep working.

Keep doing it

Knowing oneself, projecting confidence, building community and working together is essential. They are part of the leadership equation that must be worked on every day, letting the people you lead know what you stand for and what you are doing to benefit the organization.

Anne Chow, former CEO of AT&T Business and author of Lead Bigger, told me in an interview, “Because you want to perform better as an individual, as a leader, as a team, and you want to have a bigger impact. All of us, to some level, want to work on meaningful things and so we want to help people.” The common good becomes a rallying cry if you are willing to put your leadership act on the line.

“Confidence is a muscle and that you build it with success,” says Packer. “You build it over time after you work it just like any other muscle that you might have.” When a leader’s confidence is applied to achieving a goal with others on the team it is a positive force for good.

“I define stupidity as behaving in a way that ignores the question: What would happen next? If somebody comes up to you and says, ‘I think I’m going to take a hike in a lightning storm with a copper antenna on my head,’ stupidity replies, ‘That sounds like a really great idea!’

That’s one level of stupidity –personal recklessness. David Brooks argues further in the following sentence of his New York Times column. “Stupidity is the tendency to take actions that hurt you and the people around you.” And that is where stupidity can be dangerous.

Brooks – a conservative and author of books on the human condition — is careful to delineate stupidity from intelligence. He quotes the Italian historian Carlo Cipolla who wrote, “The probability that a certain person be stupid is independent of any other characteristic of that person.”

Wider Application

While this op-ed critiques recent actions in the Trump administration, it has a wider application to leadership in general. How often do we make decisions without considering the consequences?

Risk is essential to growing a business. While there is good reason to “stick to your knitting,” it can – pardon the pun – hem you in so you do not look for new opportunities. And that’s where a consideration of stupidity is essential.

So, how can we guard against being stupid? (In the interest of honesty, I ask myself this question weekly, okay, daily.)

Lessons to learn

Prepare yourself and your team. Keep abreast of issues. The status quo only provides “status” for the quo in the know. Look out the window at what is happening outside of your organization. What are the factors affecting your performance? How can you capitalize on opportunities?

Seek alternative points of view. A danger that all organizations face is “group think.” We all think a certain way, so we are “certain” of the outcomes. Myopia thrives where dissent is negated or crushed.

Think consequences. Solicit answers to: what happens next? Consider the cost of inaction versus the price of action. What will the benefits be in the short term and long term? Ask people on your time to “red-team” (that is, be contrarian) assumptions and the plans they are based on.

Guard against certainty. “The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance,” wrote historian Daniel J. Boorstin. “It is the illusion of knowledge.” Remember that plans seldom go as planned, even when you know the answers. They go awry for various reasons, including false assumptions, poor execution, and unexpected events. While you cannot prepare for the unknown, you prepare for unplanned outcomes. Being humble in what you think you know is essential.

A key theme in Brooks’ op-ed is that acting with stupidity is being stupid; you are only hurting yourself and everything you are trying to do. Such fallibility is undoubtedly part of the human condition, but so too is thinking ahead, preparing for what’s next, and keeping your antennae tuned for variations and reverses that could scuttle your project.

First posted on Forbes.com on 02.00.2025 

Let me give you some advice, the political consultant told Joe Scarborough when he was running for a seat in the U.S. House of Representatives. Don’t speak when you enter the room. Listen. And when you leave, people will say, “What a smart young man.” Scarborough served four terms in the House and later became the host of Morning Joe, where he told this story. 

One of Scarborough’s guests, Congressman Tom Suozzi of New York, said that listening to people will give you the confidence you need because you will know the issues and how your constituents feel about them. This is sound advice for not just politicians but anyone in a leadership position. Listen, learn and demonstrate that you know what you are talking about.

Show respect

Listening to someone is a sign of respect. As an executive coach, I have worked with many very effective leaders who suffer from the malady of falling in love with the sound of their own voice. They would rather speak first, last and always. This habit is fatal if you want to build consensus. Sure, you can get compliance because people don’t want to buck the boss. They will, however, withhold their commitment. 

I have seen leaders at town halls or factory floors do what the consultant advised. Listen to what people are saying. Some leaders fear that if thorny issues are raised that cannot be solved, they will look bad. This thought is short-sighted. If an employee raises a tough issue, consider what they are experiencing. They and their colleagues are bearing the brunt of a bad situation. It is the least the leader can do, but give them time to speak. 

Wise leaders will also ask them to propose solutions, and in some cases, those solutions can be acted upon with alacrity—and even better, implemented by the very people who suggested them.

Summarize What’s Been Said

One more bit of advice comes from a story of a reporter friend of mine who attended a listening session with then-Governor Bill Clinton, who was touring the country informally testing the waters for a possible presidential run. My friend told me that Clinton asked questions and listened carefully, and then he did something that amazed my friend. After the session, Clinton went around the room, pointing at each person who had spoken and summed up their comments. That’s a listener. And a communicator who knows how to get others to listen to him.

Again, as a coach, I have asked leaders to practice summarizing the key points of a meeting. This practice assures people that you have listened to and know the issues. 

Make Yourself Heard

You can employ this technique as someone other than the leader. If you feel your voice is not being heard, feel free to insert yourself into the conversation by commenting on the points others have made and then adding your own perspective. When you speak up, you demonstrate that you are part of the team and have your contributions to make.

Listening leads to understanding, which can, in turn, lead to great self-confidence and lay the foundation for people’s confidence in you.

First posted on Forbes.com 1.08.2025