Month: March 2025

Imagine if you were taking a music lesson and then taking that lesson with you to work—to ask for a raise.

Well, that’s precisely what happened to one student whose teacher had studied with Noa Kageyama, a performance psychologist. “I remember working with a teacher.. [about] how to get centered or how to get it to a better headspace, right before performing a piece,” Kageyama told me recently. The teacher passed along this lesson to one of her students. The student applied this lesson at work when she asked for a raise and got it. 

Noa’s Journey

Kageyama, who teaches at Julliard as well as via his online courses, works with students seeking to improve their focus and reduce anxiety. This issue is something Kageyama has first-hand experience. “I started playing the violin at age two and very quickly realized that I experienced, I didn’t have the words for it back then, but I certainly got nervous even at the age of four or five when I was performing in front of crowds of people. And I just thought that was part of the deal and it wasn’t pleasant, it wasn’t fun and sort of sometimes dreaded performing. And that obviously led to my fair share of memory slips and often relatively consistently subpar performances, sometimes relatively catastrophic level performances where I wished I could turn invisible and just disappear and walk off stage and never have to see these people ever again.”

Fortunately, while doing his Master’s at Julliard, he discovered the study of performance psychology. He realized that helping other musicians overcome his obstacles was his true calling, so he got a Ph.D. in this discipline at Indiana University. Kateyama has taught over 8000 students through his various online courses and his work has been featured in major news and trade media.

Avoiding the perfection trap

So often, students and performers alike become trapped by the perfection complex. “We all start to get to a point at some point where we realize that it’s more important to have something to say than to be note perfect or technically exact, because honestly, the level of exactness that I think sometimes we strive for is barely perceptible even to other musicians, sometimes those who play the same instrument, let alone those who don’t play the same instrument, never mind the general audience who’s really just there not for technical perfection, but to enjoy what it is that they’re hearing.” What matters is the music and how the musician makes it become experiential.

Improving Your Own Performance

Praise does help musicians increase their confidence, but it can be a two-sided coin. If the student becomes hooked more on external validation rather than intrinsic, they may not truly develop their musicianship. Instead, says Kateyama, there must be a balance between praise and criticism. Kageyama cites the example of John Wooden, the legendary coach of the UCLA Bruins; during his tenure, the Bruins won ten of 12 NCAA titles. Wooden’s approach was to balance praise with affirmation but spend most of his coaching time on instruction, showing players the right techniques to apply at the right time. Wooden’s approach enabled players to absorb lessons in a non-judgmental way.

Doing the work

Via his Bullet Proof Musician blog, Kateyama explores topics of resilience, courage and confident – all topics that can help students mold a mindset. Setbacks are a constant for many musicians, as well as the rest of us. Kateyama writes, “See if you can embrace this as an opportunity to practice the skill of responding to setbacks. Take a moment to remind yourself that everyone who is at a higher level now, was once upon a time, in your shoes too.” Learning from others who have experienced similar setbacks may “not only raises your self-esteem, but makes for more hopeful and optimistic practice, too.”

Applying the lessons of practicing music can help non-musicians. Kateyama shares a conversation he had with a sales executive who, though very successful, was experiencing “a lot of discomfort in certain aspects of sales, certain kinds of clients, certain types of engagements.” Such discomfort is common to musicians learning new pieces, practicing their repertoire, or performing in public. Kateyama suggested that the executive do what musicians do: record themselves. For example, a salesperson could record themselves practicing a sales call, dealing with a touch customer, or explaining an issue to their boss. By studying how they speak, they can evaluate their performance, much as a musician listens to recordings of themselves.

Overcoming anxiety during the performance is an issue not just for musicians but for anyone who must perform, either on stage, giving a presentation or gearing up to meet a tight deadline. Learning to focus on and bring your skills to the forefront is essential. Technique plays a role, but confidence does too. Earning confidence comes from doing a good job, and knowing that you can continue to do it at a level that delivers positive results is essential.

Click here to view my full LinkedIn Live interview with Noa Kateyama

First posted on Forbes.com 2.04.2025

FA reporter arranges for an interview with Armando Iannucci, the noted creator of such shows as Veep and movies like The Death of Stalin. In his darkly comic work, characters are willfully mean to one another. The reporter is Nancy Updike, and her interview will be for a show she edits This American Life. She is a big fan of Iannucci’s work and is eager to conduct the interview.

Just as Nancy meets Iannucci, she suffers a nosebleed—a real gusher. Off she goes to the bathroom. Nancy recalls one female character in an Iannucci movie suffering bleeding teeth, a source of mockery for other characters.

Iannucci may spin stories of spiteful people, but Iannucci the person is different. As Nancy says, “I walked out of the bathroom, not even sure the interview was still possible. So much time had been lost. And [Iannucci] said, with perfect grace, ‘I’m not in a rush.’” The interview will go on, and Iannucci will make extra time for it.

As someone who has experienced nosebleeds, including just before going on stage to speak, I know the sheer embarrassment of the moment. Your sense of dignity is floating out of your nose. You want to speak, but you need to tend to your nose first. All of us have been in these kinds of situations where we want to make a good impression, but circumstances get in the way.

This story got me thinking about how often, in our moments of weakness or embarrassment—when we believe we will be met with hostility—we encounter grace and understanding. When you are on the receiving end, the sense of mortification melts away, and relief floods in. Our sympathies lie with the sufferer, but how often, when we encounter someone having a moment of discomfort, we fall back on our own sense of self-importance?

Put Yourself Second

Our intention is not cruelty; our lack of intention is the problem. After all, we are busy people, and busy people cannot be bothered by other people’s problems. So, what can we do to ensure that our intentions outshine our lack of them? Here are some suggestions.

Be present. Know what is happening at the moment. Read the expressions of those you are with. Believe it or not, you may not be the most important person in their lives, even if you are their boss. Make eye contact. Smile, if appropriate. 

Be empathetic. Slow down. Listen to what others are saying. Do not leap to conclusions, like, “I’ve heard this before.” Express sympathy by asking how they are feeling and coping in the moment. 

Be compassionate. Ask what you can do to help. Sometimes, the only thing to do is to listen. Other times, you can help them solve a problem or contribute. Be there for them by listening and acting when necessary.

All of these actions are easy to say but often hard to implement. This is not because we are self-absorbed but because the pace of our lives pushes and pulls us, and so we do not always act with the best of intentions.

Acting with kindness

There is a story I have told a few times, maybe even on stage – when my nose was not bleeding. It involves Winston Churchill, who at times could be very brusque and unchivalrous, meeting James Allan Ward, a New Zealand airman who had risked his life climbing out of the bomber to extinguish a fire in one of the engines of his Wellington bomber. Ward’s bravery earned him the Victoria Cross, Britain’s highest award for valor. His bravery, however, did not shield him from a bad case of nerves as Churchill approached him. “You must feel very humble and awkward in my presence.” Ward said, “Yes, sir.” Churchill, a combat vet, responded warmly, “Then you can imagine how humble and awkward I feel in yours.”

First posted on Forbes.com on 1.22.2025

“Jimmy Carter Lauded for His Humility and Service,” stated the Associated Press headline over a story about the 39^th president’s funeral at the National Cathedral.

It is not often that we remember national leaders for their sense of humility. After all, you cannot be elected to high office if you lack a strong ego. President Carter certainly believed in his own abilities, and at times, he brooked little dissent and had a tendency to micro-manage. But taken as a whole, Carter lived a life of service, and as an evangelical Christian, he sought to live by a creed that reminded believers of the need to be humble.

Life of Service

At his funeral, his grandsons noted Carter’s commitment to service. Joshua Carter said, “He built houses for people who needed homes. He eliminated diseases in forgotten places. He waged peace anywhere in the world, wherever he saw a chance. He loved people.”

Mentioning his grandmother Roslyn and their frugality, Jason Carter noted, “They were small-town people who never forgot who they were and where they were from no matter what happened in their lives.” The Carter Center that Jason chairs is testimony to the late president’s commitment to service.

Humility is often spoken about in leadership circles but too often not practiced. After all, when you are running a large organization, you need people to follow your example. You need to demonstrate that you have a command of the issues and can make the big decisions. Humility takes a back seat to projecting authority.

How Leaders Serve

Good leaders with whom I know manifest a strong sense of self, but they know they can achieve little by themselves. One example is Alan Mulally, who became CEO of Ford Motor Company when it was on the verge of bankruptcy. Observers believed that Mulally, an executive from Boeing, would clean house. He did nothing of the kind. Instead, he provided strong direction by focusing on the issues and mobilizing the senior team to coordinate and collaborate. 

Another leader is Garry Ridge, CEO emeritus of the WD-40 Company. Garry believed that managers were coaches whose job was to bring out the best in their people. That means providing them with the resources and support they need to succeed.

Humility and service are complementary. You need humility to recognize that leadership is a team game. Your purpose is to do what you can to put people in positions where they can succeed. Service to others and for others is paramount. Frances Hesselbein, former CEO of the Girl Scouts, was fond of saying, “To serve is to live.”

One-time White House aide Stuart Eizenstat noted in his eulogy that Carter “may not be a candidate for Mount Rushmore, but he belongs in the foothills.” This is not a bad remembrance for a president who never forgot the lessons of living simply but seeking to do good works by serving others.

First posted on Forbes.com 1.00.2025